Dear You All -
I’m turning 40 on June 23rd. Sure it’s just a number but it’s a thought-provoking mile marker and a threshold. Hopefully a major one.
(A gem of a meme from the vaults)
You know me and won’t be surprised that this isn’t an invitation to a party, though you are for sure a dream guest list that deserves a good time. But no, It’s kind of an intimate letter and a tender request.
I would love to hear from you on my birthday.
Simple or elaborate, by text, video or picture message, earnest or irreverent- please send
E N C O U R A G E M E N T
On the level, I’m gonna tell you that I need it because pretty much fuck my 39th year. I have never trusted myself less. I have felt so broken by life. While it’s had real sweet spots, it feels right to not bypass all the pain and just say so- it has been grueling, frustrating, heartbreaking, isolating and tough! I can’t remember ever feeling so far away from my own power and I was very ill for months, which led to an important breakthrough in understanding myself with a disability. While I worked hard to own a lot of my limitations, shit & shortcomings, things didn’t get any gentler. I am on my feet, more or less but getting there has NOT been cute. It’s been so hard on my spirit and my livelihood and my little family and my broken heart. It really started this time last year and went quite south the week of my 39th, so I’m feeling the reverberations now.
But I got true grit- always have- and I have felt the depth of love and support the earth has to share with me, so moving and incredible this one is.
So I want to be focused as I begin this lap around the sun on my gratitude to the earth & on my personal grit as well as soften into support from you. If you’re seeing this, you inspire me and i’m grateful you’ve shared yourself with me. If you ever need E N C O U R A G E M E N T too,
I’m here for you.
I have spent a whole year grieving what I couldn’t accomplish by now, what has died or slipped away. But I’m starting up this new space to share writing and I also did a *little* something I’d hoped to learn by 40 (and pulled it off months early) so here’s my video celebration of at least that- a skill that feels good and right and is a sign of my returning strength and “HGE”
(Thanks to this fine buckskin horse here)
Love,
Yours Truly,
Stevie Ray
PS. Double up if you please & text Marcie Ward (my dear friend//spirit mom//chosen mom) and tell her thanks because she picked up the phone for me every single day when I really didn’t know if I could make it through and there’s no thanking her enough.
Her number is (406) 951-4718
She doesn’t bite, though she likes when people think she does. I’m sure she’d be excited to get notes from strangers.
Anything you send her gets read on a windy hill in east Montana where she goes to get cell service. Pretty quiet out there.
PPS. Encouragement, etymologically, is to instill C O U R A G E - courage from coeur, French for heart. If you’re thinking of someone else who might want to share their encouragement magic, of instilling courage in the heart, at this my “birthday party” you can pass this on.